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St. Patty's Day at Uvic

Mar. 18th, 2010 | 12:06 am
location: some place that one would find depressing.
mood: tiredmust not fall a slumber....
music: dorky stuff that only i can hear cuz it's all inside my head! =D

Hey all. Well i'm just sitting here in my room with the lights off (harhar) the tv on but nothing mroe than a black screen. i am also basking in the warm glow of my disfigured computer screen. it has liney thingies on it that make me cry a little on the inside ;A; oh my poor computer screen. Anyways! so! why is chan sitting all alone in her room? the answer is FEAR my friends. pure simple unadulterated FEAR. i didn't post about it last year but my st. patrick's day wasn't so awesome last time...... the first part was okay. but the air smelled of booze and puke. went to liz's and watched silent hill with her, anne, and shiv. haha shiv got scared when marg came into the room and then she screamed xD the walk back to my place wasn't so great... large hoards of zombie drunkards... there was glass everywhere, people screaming and yelling, cursing and fighting... there were broken windows and they were keeping doors open in my dorm with the fire hose... in which we could all get charged for cuz you're not supposed to use that blasted thing for anything. I think i did what i usually do when i'm scared... and that's hyperventilate and cry ahaha.

This year i went to class, saw a lot of green (and the cutest baby bunny the size of a tennis ball!<3<3<3<3 squee!) came home and locked myself in my room. i have not left since except to use the washroom and get food. also to talk to my bro cuz he came to pick stuff up, but when he came my roomy and friends found out i was here and were all drunk andoneofthemgavemeahugandtheyreakedofboozeandIwasreallyuncomfortable..... yeaaaaaaaahhh. so now, after afew separate and random moments of shear terror and crying because of the fear for drunk people enstowed within me bubbles up to the surface... i sit in my dark, very, uniluminated room,wondering if Francis will really come for a visit or just go home from Dazie's, sniffling, and also thinking my computer screen is to bright. I called up Fran several times today. first to wake him up. second to wake him up. third to make sure he was awake. fourth... i think was to ask him something but i never did... fifth to.... i don't even know. and sixth?? i think i called him six times... wow that's a lot, i swear i never call him that much... but anyways the sixth time was to see if he knew where the tomb raider dvd that we borrowed off of my neighbor Forrest was. Some of the other times was to see what he was doing today. Normally we go to Smash and Anime but i refuse to leave my room anyways (only today). He wasn't sure if he was just going to stay home or go to smash, either at Dazie's or at UVic. If it were at Dazie's then he was going to think of going then tell me but Daze didn't tell him, until later, where it was and all that jazz blah blah blah. In the end he went to Daze's. And knowing Daze everyone is over there getting drunk... so i didn't go to that. otherwise i totally would have. Most of the day i spent waiting for an answer and watching College Humor vids. Oh those crazy... people...! yeah! so! that's all i did =/ i also watched Tomb Raider (i found the dvd!) although one part couldn't be read but i'm sure it was only like... 5 mins long anyways. After a few moments of instability of the mind and some uncontrollable crying i waited for the drunks to leave and used the facilities yet again... ugh it smells soooo bad outside my room.... never going out there again! D< gyaaaar! it reaks of.. booze... puke (although i don't think anyone did) and feet. ewwww feet. Anyways, i'm just releived that my roomy took her party elsewhere.

That's it for now lj. I'm tired and have two more hours to go before i give up on waiting for fran's text... (it feels like that's all i do lately... just "wait" =/)

PS: i'd also like to say that i want more than this life is giving me = = but patience is key....... nng! (I NEED SOMETHING BIGGER THAN THIS! [oh har har. that's so not what i mean... perv.])

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Mar. 16th, 2010 | 01:08 am
mood: tiredZzzzzzzz
music: Look After You - The Fray

reading all these journal entries from so long ago... it makes me really appreciate and miss those times. not that i'm not enjoying myself now. i'm living a wonderful chapter in my life, but... i miss my friends, i miss my cats, i miss my family. Don't get me wrong, i love being with Francis, i love hanging out with my neighbors and my smash friends, but i also remember that i love being with my other friends and i love doing the things i used to do like going to the beach with liz and joyce, buying candy and hanging out around the giant field and the waterpark behind the 7//11. i can't do any of that here. i increasingly find myself confined to my room and doing not much else than going to class and running around doing errands and chores. Once again i find myself needing an adventure although i live in a much more free town than the one i grew up in. I want something more than this. The impatience of my youth gets the best of me. I see so much opportunity that I, and many others my age, can't have. I meet older people who, at my age, had so much more going for them and once again i wish to have such opportunities and experiences. I'm grateful for everything i experience now and i take what i can from it as a learning curve. But i do want something more than this. The stress of having to find a job and a place to live for the summer is starting to get to me and is affecting my stomach once more, to the point that i'm finding it hard to not feel nausious after eating. From now on i'll do daily updates as i work on the story of the past 5 months. today's update...

Fran and i woke up rather late and spent most of the day on our computers, watching Megas XLR, and fran spent about 4 hours doing calculations for LoL, a game on the internet that he plays. Our friend Tim is moving away to vancouver to do tree planting soon so we decided to go to his place to spend time with him. Daze, his roomate, is also moving out because he's been receiving noise complaints against him. Everyone was over there playing Smash and we went to get subway and ice caps lol.
Howie has bought a new electric piano after playing around with mine, although his is much more expensive.
I updated my resume. i was supposed to go out today and hand them out but ended up not doing that. i'll do that on thursday or next monday, then it's my bday on tuesday...
i might not celebrate though... fran told ppl when my bday was... grr... i love that boy but sometimes i wish there were things he wouldn't tell people =/ actually... that's probably the only thing i've ever had a problem with him saying. i just tell people that my bday isn't this month and that they're mistaking me for someone else. he doesn't like hearing that i don't like my bday, but i can't help it =/ it's the truth.
i was supposed to write up notes for a group presentation but i'm really tired... so i think i'll do that tomorrow instead of going to class... it seems a little bit pointless since spanish is easy to learn and GRS i'll just get notes from others to catch up...
anyways that's my update for today, sorry it's not that interesting and probably depressing or boring to read but i'm really tired and about to pass out. goodnight :)

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...i don't know what to call this...

Mar. 13th, 2010 | 09:15 am

It’s been a while since I’ve written out my dreams, but I find today’s dream to be... well it’s definitely not something I want to write or remember in any way but I think it would be better for me to do so anyways. It’s 7:00AM quite early for me to wake up, so you know this was a pretty big dream. Here it goes...

From what I remember, I was a man and I was on a ship which was going to sink.... everyone in the room I was in died, but I escaped down a hole. Some older guy, before he died, was telling me what to do and to keep going and not look back, to save myself. Once I went down that hole it was a long drop to the bottom, of which had I travelled it I definitely would have died. I grabbed onto some girders or something and struggled to hold on. Suddenly I heard someone call my name which was apparently “Jack”. A small, psychologically different man, with big bug-eyes, thin curly brown hair and boney hands ran to me from a platform just beside the girder I had latched on to, “Jack, Jack! You came back for us! Oh I knew you would! I even told Darryl, right Darryl?” he turned to an older man who was standing behind him and a baby started crying. The man stared at me as with shock and worry in his face. They both helped me up and asked me about the people upstairs. I shook my head and told them they were all dead and that I thought I was the only one left. Everyone was glad to see me but the man named Darryl turned to me and said “you fool! We have very little time before we all die! It’s up to you to get us out of this hell-hole,” it was silent but the baby still cried. It was cold, damp and dark. The only thing that let me see everyone was a blue light and some rays of sun that had entered in through holes in the side of the ship; Metal everywhere and mesh-patterned platforms that one could stand on. Darryl spoke again, “but you can’t do this alone. You’ve got us right behind you kiddo,” The psychologically different man excitedly said he would go with me to help, but I turned him down and told him he needed to stay with the rest of the group and take care of everyone there. He accepted it and wished me luck. I headed off on my way and eventually made it to the Bridge of the ship. We were on a big river which was pretty calm until we reached a fork in which I had to try and steer the boat in the right direction. Unfortunately both sides of the fork led to a waterfall, in which we survived, but there were many more waterfalls following it. I think the dream ended in a news anchor reporting either that we didn’t survive or that we did and I was the hero, but that part I don’t remember.........

Now time for part of the dream I wish not to remember.

Francis now had two part time jobs in a small town in which he once lived and we had decided to move into. However, I did not know that Francis had two jobs. In fact, I was hardly aware that he had one, although I think his mother told me that he had a new job. Anyways I remember I found him at a hotdog stand that was really popular. It was more like a mini fast-food restaurant where people basically order to go, even though there were seats and tables around. There were a few different kinds of hotdogs, some with regular wieners, some with beef sausages, and you could even get two sausages in one bun. Anyways I talked and joked with him a bit and went on my merry way to do other things in the market. Later on I came back and decided I would try ordering one of their hotdogs. The menu was short but in other words exceptionally long for a hotdog stand. I picked out what I wanted to order. It was a “gumber dog” or something like that and the lady who was working on the orders looked at me weird and asked me if I really did want that. I told her it wouldn’t hurt to try it and she laughed then showed me a video as she prepared it and told her co-worker what I was ordering and they both laughed, not at me, but at themselves in part. The video showed how the hot dog was made. It was more like a hotdog burger. It had so many toppings and condiments (including hot sauce) that it looked like something someone would die from. I just chuckled and said I would eat it and that it didn’t look that bad. I’ve probably had worse. It was a bunch of meat with various veggies and cheese and bacon on a special bun that could be split into several pieces like a pizza. Since it had taken me a while to decide what to order, several people behind me went first and now I couldn’t find my wallet so I let others go ahead of me since they already had their orders done and their money ready. The girl at the counter was done her shift or was needed elsewhere, but she left nonetheless. A new guy was now at the till. It was Francis. He served a few people before he would be able to serve me but at the time was entering someone’s order when he noticed me standing there, “Ho! Chan, what are you doing here?”
“Hey, Franny! I didn’t know you worked here. I got something from here and I’m about to pay, guess what I got!” I exclaimed.
“ Yeah my sis works here too, but she’s been here longer. Just a sec, I think I press.... this...” he messed up the order, “oh sh*t! Sorry I think I f*cked up your order! Hold on I know how to fix this...” we waited a few seconds as he squinted at the register “hold on, hold on! ....okay I don’t know how to fix it... oh my god... sh*t!” he laughed and called his co-workers over but nobody was listening, he ran to the customer’s side of the till to the tables and jumped around in excitement from the embarrassment then said “I bet my sister wouldn’t have messed up like this!” everyone laughed. He came over to make and gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing. I told him about my day and what I was doing. He smiled at me and looked at the time then flinched, “Ho! What? No way, is that the time? I’m late for work!” I was confused and said he was already at work. “No, I mean my other job! Sorry, chan. I got to go, I’ll see you later ‘kay?”
“Okay” I smiled
“I love you, bye!”
“Bye!” he ran off down a red dirt road and I chuckled to myself. I thought how great it was to see him working again. He looked so happy. And that made me happy. The error he made was fixed by a co-worker and I paid for my order next. I walked around a bit and contemplated eating the thing, but never really got around to it.

Next I remember I was out in the dessert somewhere in India. I was there to do research as a student. I don’t remember if I was a volunteer or if I was being paid, but Francis had done it before and was with me. We were sitting inside a tent watching a movie and a girl from high school, Alexis, was sitting between me and Francis and I was trying to hold his hand but it wasn’t working. It was time to go out and do our job. With his experience Francis helped me. What we did was go to certain areas in the sand and there would be things like gold pans. Basically we were panning and recording our finds, but we were mostly doing it based on what others had already done. One pan had tiny pieces of gold; another had many beetles and various bugs. As we recorded Francis told me of his past experience as a high school kid doing this job. He told stories and showed me how to do things and explained how to record them. The sun started to go down and there were some men on horses coming towards us in the distance. Everyone started to cheer for them. They were the men who owned the land we were working on and were for some reason highly respected. They were of Indian heritage and did not look wealthy aside from the horses. “Oh, come on Chan! It’s time for the end of the day ceremony,” said Francis and he took my hand and helped me up off the sandy ground. Everyone lined up on both sides of the invisible lane in which horseback-riding men were travelling on. We ran across the lane to our respected spots. I had to stand with other girls but with room in between us for the ritual while Francis and the other men went further down away from the women to respect the cultural ceremony or ending the day. It was gendered in a sense that women had to be on one section of their side of the lane and men had to be further down. Everyone clapped and chanted “good morning” or “good evening” as the men on horses passed by. Why we said good-morning I don’t know why. The horsed men pulled out their sabres and ran behind us along a natural bamboo partition and they cut the long vegetation as they sped by on their steeds as part of the ritual of which they did everyday. They got off their horses and stood behind us chanting in their language. They would place their swords on the kneeling women’s shoulders and do a ritualistic dance and pretend to hit the women with the sharp edge of the sword. It was something they did often and as a cultural ritual would be nothing more than something they did at the end of every day, unless they decided to do another section of the ceremony which would change it completely. I looked over to the other women, only a few are selected when this ritual begins and I was one of them. The sword dance was nothing more than to celebrate the end of the day and represent those who had died before during wars that had taken place in history around that area. I found it quite interesting and enjoyed the sharing of the culture. I trusted them enough not to cut me with their swords. The metal weapons glistened in the orange light of the setting sun as the dessert glowed and everyone was almost nothing more than a silhouette. Once the ceremony was done I was quite sure I would be able to settle down for the night, but suddenly, I knew... something was different with the ritual even though it was my first time experiencing it. I knew the next thing they did would change my life forever. In an instant they came back and more vigorously continued the ritual. “No...” I thought. Two more second “no...!” at the last second they yelled and thrust their swords down, gauging the women on the side of the left leg. It looked like the neck area, but that would be too dangerous. As soon as I felt that sword pierce my leg I knew that I would never live my life the way I wanted to again. “No!” I cried. And fell to the ground weeping. The horsed men left and I knelt there, tears welling up in my eyes, my dreams, hopes and aspirations; all my years of hard work and effort; all gone within matter of a second. I had become a bride to an Indian man. In my dream, in their culture the Indian men chose their women and claimed them as theirs by ritually giving them a cut in the side of their leg that will eventually scar over to prove that they belong to them. It was a symbol of ownership. All the other women rejoiced and congratulated each other. They congratulated me and said “oh look, the sweetheart is so happy she’s crying” I just smiled and walked away. I did not look for Francis; I knew I would never see him again. I talked to my best girlfriend on the site, “If they found out that I’m in love with another man already they will kill him first... work me to the bone and then kill me... what if I were to end it before they even had a chance... could you imagine... this world where it’s better off that I do not exist. A world where I’m buried deep in the ground and life could live above me; Life with real love. Where people can carry on with their lives and I can leave it all behind...” a clip of my grave showed and I continued to cry. She didn’t exactly understand me but requested that I don’t commit suicide. I told her I wouldn’t but I could not make any promises. I was now to live the life of a woman with no rights, mistreated and meant for nothing more than to bear children and take care of a house. I could no longer continue to live out my dreams of being a great archaeologist travelling the world, my loved one Francis by my side. My world fell apart, shattered in an instant. I went home to mom and dad. They lived in a different house now and all I ever did was cry. Mom didn’t understand. I tried to drink my hot chocolate, but I was too busy with sobs to swallow it down. Mom had been drinking beer or wine and had gotten drunk. She was mad at me for crying so much and I asked her if she wanted to know why I was crying, but she didn’t listen. I told her that she never listens to me and she looked at me funny and said “no! I listen to you, since when don’t I?”
I told her, “You’re always so stuck up in your own world that you never listen to what anyone else has to say about themselves! You only listen to Flo, never to rick or I. Not even to your own husband. You’re just so caught up in yourself that you don’t see the big picture! Do you want to know what’s making me cry? Do you?”
She said, “No! Do you want to know what makes ME cry?” she was stubborn playing around with a deck of cards.
“See?? This is why I never tell you anything! You never listen, it’s always about you,”
“Well maybe it would be nice if someone listened to me for once”
“’For once??’ Do you have any idea how much we have to listen to your nagging and complaining? I don’t care anymore! Just forget it I’m never telling you anything again!” I continued to cry, thinking about nothing but how my dreams were now gone, but mostly about how I will never see Francis again. That I could no longer be with him; I could never hold him, look into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him how much I love him. I could never sit with him again and enjoy the simple pleasures of just being around him; Being with each other. Could never hold his hand again; never kiss him; never hear his heartbeat; never laugh with him; never cry with him; never love him ever again. I tried to talk to dad about what I felt about mom and he understood what I was saying. I was in the kitchen trying to finish up my now cold hot chocolate. And mom entered a bit more sober now, and dad came in too and I was still breaking down. I was finally going to tell them what was wrong, tears streaming down my face, my chest heaving as I sobbed and wailed. I woke up.

I was crying a bit in my sleep but the relief of it being only a dream was wonderful. Then I remembered how the dream felt and started to cry. For once Francis was not here to reassure me that everything was fine, that he was still here and that it was only a dream; that he’s not gone and that he never will be. This is the worst dream I’ve had in a while. Although monsters weren’t chasing me or trying to rip me apart and aliens weren’t taking over, it was still one of the more torturous dreams I have ever had to experience. That pain still lingers. The pain of knowing I would never see my love again. I can handle not seeing him for a certain amount of time, but 'never again'... that is truly something I cannot handle.

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Oct. 15th, 2009 | 02:31 am
mood: indescribablea good indescribable :)

I'm still shaking >< i think... we're not dating yet but... Francis and i reached a whole new level in our relationship today.... After a long evening of hanging out with people, talking, and stuff... we hugged eachother for a long time and he kissed my head >< then we held hands lol but i don't know, thinking about it gives me flippy flops >< FLIPPY FLOPS! he told me, no matter what, after that hug to think of it as a good thing and nothing else, so i think i will... i really like him.... he gave me a picture of Ben Kowalzewik, or however you spell it, from Billy Talent, and i gave him a little red All-star sneaker keychain thing with the word "smile" on one side and a happy face on the other... i think he liked it. Anyways, i can't stop thinking about tonight >< shiv came and met him, liz was supposed to come, but she never did. oh, we also went to timmy ho's and got food lol but he wouldn't let me treat him.... anyways, i'm thinking too much to really type anything down, goodnight readers.

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(no subject)

Oct. 10th, 2009 | 11:24 am
mood: indescribableFLUTTERY!
music: whatever dad is playing on the computer downstairs.

Hey guys, if i seem like i'm overly happy, even though my stomach is causing me to choke and cough and shake all over, it's cuz i had such a great time last night.... omg i'm still on cloud 9. here's the dealio...

Francis invited us out to do something last night. he never told us what it was until we got there. but we had to wait for a looong time, we even went out to search for him and the others... omg... when liusi and i arrived infront of the icecream shop at bay centre... ugh... mark had brough EVERYONE from the bloc... (which was stupid cuz we had an arguement earlier about bringing ppl and he didn't like that we couldn't bring everyone and all this crud... whatever mark is just a big baby) so he showed up with everyone which was a bad idea, but oh well, they were all dressed up in costume... aristocratic if i may say so myself. with top hats and long coats. except mark. he was dressed as a doctor. but anyways. they got icecream and waited to meet up with francis. apparently when i left to go outside i was looking distraught. maybe i was, i was nervous that we wouldn't meet up with them and that night was what i had been looking forward to since wednesday... but mark had to ruin it a bit... grrr. but one must not hold grudges... what is done is done.

Finally we met up with francis and found the other 2. Liusi was telling me that if it were karaoke she would hate me cuz she never even did that in china. then it turned out to be karaoke... loool she looked and me and told me she hated me <3 i ended up in the same room as francis... >< well we figured out how to work the controller... everything was in korean! francis chose the first song... and told us we had to have fun. the song was "I've got a Feeling" by the black eyed peas and made me sing along with him. well it was a good song choice cuz they say "i've got a feeling that tonight's going to be a good night" and all i can say to that was.. yes. yes it was. when others sang and we were sitting, when he came closer to look at the song book, i felt like... omg, i don't know, it was something i haven't felt for a long time, if ever. my tummy did flip flops and gaahh i just can't describe it without feeling it again and it distracts me so we'll leave it at that. We sang a few songs together... i feel bad though, cuz... he had to pay a lot of money for that...

after karaoke we all walked around downtown but we stopped and the bloc went on ahead. so it was daisy (matt), francis, howie, liusi and i. we were talking about sticking a giant tub of bubbles in the fountain xD liusi kept pushing me towards him... which made it seem so much more highschool since well.. i know he likes me too.. it's quite obvious, apparently sickeningly so... we found the guys in a pizza store... second slice or something... then francis realized he had only 4 mins left on his parking so we went to find his car. we tried to give a hobo some bags of bottles so his car would have more room for ppl in there... but the hobo rejected us! D: we felt so low about that... i mean... i know were young kid university students but ouch! rejected by a hobo? frick man ;__; that hurts. lol. but yes... we dropped off Daisy and francis was desperately trying to get Howie out of the car but he didn't feel like going xD so we all went to the beach... that was nice... there was a big scary tunnel! >D i luved it. Then there was this bench overlooking the whole city so i sat down and so did you know who... but then liusi wanted to sit and i moved in the opposite direction of where he was sitting and let her sit between us. cuz.. right now i kinda don't want to jump in so fast. although i do really like him... and can't stop thinking about him since last night. ugh but she was doing things that whole night to try and get me closer to him. and i don't want to rush things. like... she would say "everyone hold hands!" when we went into the scary tunnel, and she would try to make me walk with him, which i gladly did, nothing wrong with walking, then howie got cold and francis loaned him his sweater, lius and i were cuddling to warm up and lius told me i should share the warmth but i just said "it depends". oh and there were drunk stoners at the beach lol. howie wanted their booze. thank god we dropped him off first...

when we arrived on campus liusi invited francis to shivan's party and he said he'd think about it... since he's shy. i tried to pay him back for the karaoke... but he wouldn't accept it.. then he like went really close to my face to have a glaring contest and liusi thought he was leaning in for a kiss and she's like "o-oh wow, i'm getting out of the car!" xD it was funny.. then she closed the door "accidentally". finally we were alone so i could tell him i had a great time... at that moment i think how much we like eachother went to a new level.. and i asked him if i would talk to him online. he said yes and i left the car, even though i had problems opening the door lol :P but that little scene right there, telling him i had a good time and asking if i'd talk to him online... even though it sounds so stupid i can't stop replaying it in my head, and all the times we were close... gah! it makes my tummy do flippity flops >< i'm ill enough as it is!

Right now everything is really highschool, except for the very last part of the evening in the car, i think it became a little more... mature? i don't know but i'm questioning why someone like him would like me :S he's so popular and so many other girls are way more outgoing than me >< oh well i won't dwell on that. i actually feel comfortable with this crush... i especially like the faces he makes >< but um... yes! that's enough of my ranting... i'm just really happy... i had a great night...

josh drove me back to nan. we both talked about our nights >< he's such a great guy! josh is lol. i'm happy that he and i are friends, i feel alot like we're best friends and we have hardly known eachother for a month. i want to be best friends with him for a long time! =D he and shiv seemed to have a good time ;D cuddling and watching a movie. i'm so happy for him... things just haven't gone his way.. his dad died a week ago today... his like was a complete mess before he moved back to nan and i'm just so glad he's found a bit of happiness amongst all this chaos.

anyways... this little birdy is going to go off and try not to let on that she likes someone infront of the rents >< but i can't stop smiling from time to time! and i have butterflies in my tummy and they make me go "aahh! D:" so... yeah >< i'm.. just... not going to think.... much.... that's going to be hard :P i'll just try to distract myself but chances are that won't happen. i'm really glad i found someone i like... and who likes me back. even though it completely contradicts my whole life beliefs, guess i'm just a hypocrit that way.

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Oct. 9th, 2009 | 03:18 pm
mood: anxiousAHHH!
music: Clocks - Coldplay

ahem sooo yeahh... i think i might have a little crush on someone >< i can't stop thinking about them, and it feels weird since you know, i went for years liking just one person and now this is happening haha. i'm open to whatever happens between us though. whether we date or just stay friends. we have lots in common but at the same time we're different enough that it's interesting to learn about eachother. it started out with a slight attraction but i think it's slightly more than that at this point even though we hardly know eachother. anyways, he invited us out tonight... he still won't tell me what we're doing lol but shiv, josh and liusi have been bugging me about it xD oh well. we stayed up til like 2 last night talking :S oh dear. well... we'll just see where this goes, i think i might invite him to shiv's party next friday... wish me luck!

other than that i pretty much am falling asleep in my lectures xD i'll sit there and then thoughts would come into my head and i'll start freaking out a bit >< still have to study up for that debate on tuesday... friiiick. so not fun. pro sewage treatment... oh yeah. joy. thank god i only have to do the opening. still need to figure out how to do that though. been having too much fun lately! time for chan to get serious!!.... after tonight lol. maaaybe tomorrow.

i need to go get time for my phone so maybe i'll update later!!

i really am looking forward to tonight... even though it doesn't feel like it will happen... i'm sure it will be okay. liusi still thinks that they're going to kill us and stuff us somewhere in the woods xD doubt that terribly lol but who knows.

bye readers!

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Oct. 8th, 2009 | 02:42 am
mood: exhaustedtotally beat

hey guys just an update.

don't think i did too well on my Greek test... oh well. i've been sick for a while now... it's my stomach. i wake up gagging, i go to sleep gagging. and that's how it is. i'm nauseous all the time and yeaahhh... anyways... gonna see the doctor about that, but first i'm going on the BRAT diet again and letting my stomach rest. although i did have a nice cookie today, and some cereal.

anywhooooo... went to smash today. apparently i'm dressed nice and liusi was bugging me about that. she thinks i was trying to look good for the guy i'm interested in. he's nice. spent a lot of time with him today. was worth it i guess. he invited me and some of my friends to go to some event.... but he won't tell us what it is. so i'm a bit curious. i think... allowing myself to like someone is alot easier than trying to fight it like usual. i don't know, i'd like to know him better and see what happens. i think he might kinda like me too, but i'm not sure, so far we just get along really well. and the fact that he invited us to an event is a good sign of friendship! =D also, we played a prank on the anime club today. the guys went in and pretended to talk about certain people on the phone.. but like.. right infront of the people they were talking about. it was great. the first guy didn't do so well... francis did great lol ppl actually noticed. then the third guy was awesome. he lied down on a table and made erotic gestures xD so funny. nothing too like... over the top, just... suggestive lol. now we're thinking of more pranks to play on them so that they retaliate. it's all friendly though, nothing bad. i almost forgot to mention that i was used as an example for the pranking -____-;.... oh dear.

we went to anime and watched stuff... it was okay. we left during vandread. ugh that show = = so bad. it's about a battle between men and women and the men never really knew what the women looked like and ugh... it's kinda lame. anyways... just went and played mario kart during that lol good times.

went back to anime then when it ended went back to smash. yeahhh... oh i saw francis' drawings today, they're pretty good :P oh!!! and smash is now in the big room across from anime xD good times! we kept turning the lights off cuz it was fun to play in the dark <3 noel showed up, and so did liusi but she ended up going missing for quite a while.. so i got worried. she told me what happened later but i'm not at liberty to disclose that information. as long as she was okay, that's all i care about.

anywho... so it looks like i have lots to do within the next few days.

....i really look forward to going out on friday. i hope all goes well.

sorry none of this is interesting or in more detail but right now i'm too tired... ended up standing outside forrest's window talking to him when we got back... gahh... fun.

anyways. goodnight readers. wish me luck on everything. i'm trying not to overthink the whole.. liking guys stuff and dating but liusi and noel make it hard to do so. we stayed up late last night in the ECS building lol oh... ECS... how great you are. anyways night!

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(no subject)

Oct. 2nd, 2009 | 03:05 pm
location: me!
mood: happyhappy
music: My Sacrifice - Creed

been having lots of fun lately and making new friends! within the past week i think i made well over 4 or 5... that's alot for me lol been getting closer to the neighbor's they're nice guys, but forrest does get on my nerves lol we kinda got this rivalry going on, but he's cool. noel was a bit sad this week cuz something happened in his home country, but i think he's doing a bit better now :) i also made friends with mark and the other's friend i think his name is dave, at this point we're still aquaintances but he has a very soothing personality, we get along very well. then there are the smash guys... oh my lol i recognized one of them from anime club, his name is nick. then there are the presidents, matt and francis. omg. francis. funny guy.... HE LOOKS LIKE DAVID BOWIE! so he's my favorite person right now lol matt is cool too, but i think he has a slight attraction towards me = = and maybe francis does too but it's still to be questioned! not that i really care lol lots of ppl stare at me in funny ways lately. even when i'm just walking around!! do i look funny or soemthing? do i have something on my face? D: i checked! and i don't! so why is everyone looking at me? i mean, not just guys, but girls too! maybe i look weird? who knows :S

anyways readers! i'll update some more later!! right now i have to go to my bus to catch the other bus to nanaimo :) wish me luck!

can't wait to see my kitties!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3!!!!!

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Chan's emo again :(

Sep. 27th, 2009 | 10:35 pm
mood: sadsad
music: Sail Away With Me - David Gray

A feeling of sadness overwhelms me.
Not even all the sad songs in the world
Will make me shed a single tear.
A life full of drenched eyes and quiet sobs
Has left empty my reservoir of liquid emotion.
Not even a drop to salvage,
To save me from these feelings
And flush them away to the cold night air.
Not a drop, And yet
I still weep.

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should be doing better things lol

Sep. 25th, 2009 | 01:39 pm
location: my room! =D it's messy!
mood: nauseatedstupid stomach.
music: Rollin' - Limp Bizkit

hey guys, i haven't really updated lately and LOTS has happened!!

last thursday i organized a whole field trip with my friends and i to go to see "Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea". it was a good movie. met with mish and josh. it was alright. if you've been keeoing up you would have read about it ;D well..... now shiv and josh have a little thing going on xD but i can't help but feel that they are too grateful towards me. i did nothing, i was just there and they met, nothing more :) i think the three of us will be good friends though... they're both really worried about me and my stomach problems, but i really don't think it's anything too bad to worry about. as i told them, "start worrying when i can't keep food down at all". haha. but now they're starting to go through trouble to help me and i need to find a way to stop them before they go too far = = but i am grateful that they care a lot.

the weekend wasn't anything to special, just went to nan... rick brought me cuz he had to pick up a generator from there. we went in his friend's jeep xD good times. i don't know why, but his friends and himself are always surprised as to why i have so much good 80s/90s music on my list lol we had to take a detour too cuz apparently tehre was an accident on the highway and that made us lose alot of time... and we didn't know how to get out of there lol so we just followed everyone else... good times. it was through the country though, so it was nice. he left the next day, i got my student loan agreement, signed it, and went out to send it off.... and the stupid post office was closed = = like... frick, aren't they supposed to be closed on sundays? not the WHOLE weekend? anyways, i got that done later on.. but we'll speak of that in a bit here. Rick left for vic on saturday and on sunday mom, dad and i went there to spend time with him and kiana. apparently i have her dolly. lol it's funny cuz she asked me several times if i wanted to borrow it. apparently i did xD we stuck it in my bag so we didn't have to carry it, and i forgot to give it back to her. oh dear. she is getting SOOOOO big!!! she's so tall now!! she looks like she's 6 or 7! and asking all sorts of philosophical questions! oh that little thing... she's so smart. anyways...

so monday i woke up early to get arnold from the SUB. we didn't do much and i felt bad about that, i had so much to do... oh well maybe next time =/ he and liusi seemed to get along well, so i'm glad. BUT HE HAS TO EAT MORE!! he didn't eat anything at my place =/ which i didn't understand cuz he was obviously HUNGRY!! that's right arnold. i know you were hungry, Mr. Rumblies in the Tumblies! next time i'll stuff him with food. and stick him on a mantle lol we went to the mall and he got some stuff and burgers. and that is all he ate the whole time he was here. well took him back to sydney so he could catch his bus and i took a picture! >D hah! but no uploading cuz my comp might be able to handle it. i fell asleep on the bus ride back to vic.

ugh i can't stand downtown, so many dirty people... happy to be back on my lovely campus <3 but i could help but look at all the nice houses one the way to sydney and thinking "man... i really want my own house..." but i must be patient and wait for my life to become solid enough to get my own place. siiigh... i think i'm too physically young in life for my mind :( i need something so much more. but i guess that all comes with time right?

On to tuesday.... i don't remember tuesday lol i think i had a lab early in the morning... that was confusing. the most simple experiment and we couldn't get it right xD oh we're such n00bs. oh well. we'll get it in time.. have a tonne of research to do for it though... sooo dont' look forward to that. oh and i had a test in greek studies. was okay... i think i passed at the least.

Wednesday!! omg... sooo fun! went to class, met up with one of my lab partners but left early and hung out with liusi and shiv :P good times. then i went to smash club!! liz couldn't come but that's okay, i got aquainted with someone who i recognized from anime club last year. he's pretty cool, i think his name is nick. he's kinda mellow dramatic though lol but other than that he's alright. i left early though cuz i had to pick shiv up from her class and go to anime. good times! we have a new bloc!! Bloc Wasshoi! we at least got one of our animes in :P oh!! and the prez is back! but he's going to try and be the lelouche of prefects lol good ol' power hungry prez. and mark got into prefect position too! i'm proud of him. he's been wanting it for a while now lol had a good battle in anime for our shows of choice. glad the bloc got at least one in :) shiv had to leave part way through anime :( sadness. anyways mark and i went to smash club after anime. it was okay... he got to fight against the dude with the nice hair!! i think i did too lol but i don't remember. i think his name is francis??? also fought against the dude int he uniform. don't know his name :P that's okay. next week. mark got a ride home from nice hair guy. and i ran home like the paranoid puppy i am! D:

THURSDAY!! ...day of HORROR. went to class. came back, liusi was still begging me to go to swing dancing with her lol but i had wilderness survival club at the same time.... lots of ppl went. i got off of wilderness club early and liusi caught me right as i was getting home... shouldn't have stepped on that loud crunchy leaf!! >< i so could have snuck past her lol oh welll...... she grabbed me a forced me to go to swing with her lol i was cursing her and telling her that i couldn't do it xD just wigging out completely. we were partners at first, she wanted to be the man lol ohh... how horrible it was... i danced with several guys and quite afew girls! D: i was the man afew times too! i can't dance! although there was one guy who i was a little bit better with, i think he was gay lol but yes... met a japanese girl! i told her i would help her with english and she could help me with japanese! yaay! i'm so happy. but i didn't get her email or anything =/ should have, there were several people i wouldn't have minded keeping in touch with... lol during the last round of dancing i didn't have a partner and i was looking around everywhere, then i turned around and liusi and noel had reluctantly become partners! xD the look on their faces. i pointed and laughed so hard at them! Noel is one of our neighbors, he and liusi like eachother in a friendly way.. they just show it with hate lol apparently noel is good at dancing. haah... when the dance was over i went up to liusi and said "i'm sooo gonna kill you" while wrapping my hands around her neck xD we went to the store after that. when we were walking home liusi was wondering what she was inept at :S something to do with relationships sort of, but not really. long story. anyways, we went to caps and i bought a jug of chocomi and drank it! >D yeeeh! we also filled out this stupid thing for our housing... the oven doesn't work :(

okay kiddies, that's all for now. i'm tired of typing and i need to do research! bubye!

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