problems = = don't read unless you want to read someone complaining!

well... hi... been a while i suppose.

These days i find myself stuck inside the whole time.. if i had my liscence i could at least get out of the house. I don't see friends, not that i really have any right now. just a few i talk to on msn. good friends, though they may be, i want to actually be around people. i honestly don't know how mom does this. staying inside all day. today was perfect weather, the second i saw it, as i usually do on days like this, i thought about calling up my best friends for some hangouttageness. yeaah.. one thing wrong with that. i don't have any. liz is back at uni for the summer, and quite frankly i just don't want to bother with joyce right now. kim is okay, but with kim comes joyce. i really do miss the old days of being with friends, but hey, that's life, you lose friends and slowly become a lonely old hag lol not that i'm an old hag yet ;D but some day i'll get there. i just want to be around people, if just for one day. that would be nice. even for a walk! i don't care, i just need out of this house and around other people, no offense to my mom. a friend was going to come this weekend but it almost seems like mom's bent on keeping me away from a social life lol even though i know she's not. but anyways. we're going to paint the tug boat instead... i guess that's getting out... if you count labour as getting out of the house.

i think it's time to write down a list of my problems... people have been trying to get me to spew it out in hopes that it will make me feel better, but i feel it's better to just stick it on here. that way i'm not affecting anyone directly.

PROBS
i have no friends
i feel lonely
need a job
it's been two months since i got off school and i still have no job because every week something comes up that stops me.
i need to get my liscence
i have sooo many fees to pay off
i need to pay back my parents for my cell phone bill and get a new plan
i need to pay back my parents for my first year of tuition. plus double for food.
i have to take a english test, and i keep forgetting to check out the times for that
i need to buy books for said english test
i need to plan my next semester
if i don't get enough money this summer, i might have to skip first semester of school to get enough money
i was denied a student loan
i need to apply for a student loan again. and get denied. again.
my bank account has run pretty much dry. i can't spend any money.
i need a haircut... big problem? no. but it's annoying.
i still don't know where i stand about relationships
someone has confessed to me. i don't like them. and i wish they didn't like me.
i still need to have a serious talk with said person.
CL3 is coming up.
I still need to draw my char and prepare an intro comic.
i also have to make a dorm comic.
AE is coming up. i have no money to go. i won't be able to see my friends there. or sell anything.
I don't know how well i did in school and quite frankly i'm too scared to find out.
I have to retake jap. but mom doesn't want me to.
i also want to take spanish. but can i do both?
my future is starting to look hazy.
i can't sleep at night because i think about all this too much.
My bro still needs to pay me back money... i don't think that's happening any time soon. and i really need the money, i haven't finished paying tuition for last semester. and the interest is piling up.
i've been having back probs. sometimes i can't walk.
i'm getting grey hair = =
I think i need to see a doctor, but i'm not sure if i really do yet or not.
my dad's health is becoming an issue again
mom is still getting on my nerves now and then.
I need to see the dental surgeon. my wisdom teeth need to be pulled
i don't want to be friends with someone i used to call "my best friend" anymore... their way of life angers me now.
i miss the friends i made in uni.
i miss my friends form highschool
i miss mexico and my family there.
my uncle just had surgery on his brain.
my other uncle is having more probs walking.
i want to make some money to help them both plus my niece for their surgeries (my niece has bad heart conditions)
No matter how much i want to see someone, i'm always held back from doing so.
i want to see my bro and meet my new sis in law.
i miss living in victoria.
i kinda want to go back to school, but kinda don't.
i'm nothing but lethargic and apathetic lately. and that bothers me.
i'm stuck in this stupid cage again = = and it feels like people are constantly poking me with sticks.
i want to get back into tkd. but i don't like the new dojang. at all.
i've been trying to get my life back on track. i really have... but nothing i do is working...
i still need to write up my resume. that hasn't been going well at all.
i reaaaally want to get back into archery. i don't have the money to.
i want to help people, but i know inside myself i can do nothing for them.
i know for a fact that from here on out, i'm not going to get a break in life. and that bugs me, but i've come to terms with it.
i don't know if i really want to be alone in the future, but i don't know really if want the company either.
zack has given me one week to tell him my answer to a question i'm not sure how to answer because i'm not quite sure what he's offering. i mean, i know he's offering help but i don't know how he's going to go about it = = zack, if you're reading this.. i would like to know! >O lol
my camera might be broken :( and i freakin' love that thing.
some girl obsessed with my bro keeps talking to me...
i want to be more talented. that will take a long time.
i think i have more chemical imbalances again.
i think about 95% of this at night. this is why i can't sleep.
i want to go to bed earlier and wake up early, but that's not going so well.

that's it. if i forgot something it's cuz i'm too busy thinking of everything else at the same time. so there. i feel alot better getting all that out there.

on the bright side i heard that the place i'm wanting to work was hiring! so i hope i'm not too late! it was about a month ago that they were so hopefully they haven't found anyone yet and will hire me! i learned this at reiki practice. it was fun. except i couldn't walk at the end cuz i was on my back most of the time. gaah! one thing i learned was how to get rid of other's pain and that you can really feel the effects on the person's ora after you treat them! before it feels all thick and stuff, then you comb it through, and do work ont hem, at the end you comb again, when icombed the second time, they felt so light and clear! it was awesome! i was proud of myself. well i'm off. goodnight!